dissipate

nothing is more painful than

the scars breaking,

those scars, the memories

previously stitched by hope

right before my eyes.

the collapse of your face,

the surrender of the will to live

through drops of tears

only time can replace.

i wish i could start your mind anew

so you’d never have to feel it again

but until then

i’ll hold you until the pain dissipates

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Come Back

Why did I wait for you

If I knew you’d never come?

Why do these words hurt

For me to speak

From my tongue?

All I remember is your voice,

So soothing, so warm

Like how I felt in your embrace;

You drowned out the noise.

Come back so I can love you

Come back so I won’t miss you

Maybe the clouds dispersed

At the sound of your name–

Just enough to ignite your true passions,

Perhaps┬ánot for me…

But I still wait

For you.

 

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Love Is A Beautiful Thing

Love is a beautiful thing

If you’re the one in love

If you’re the one watching sparkling eyes glint

On a river,

Or time

Roll by.
Love is a beautiful thing

If you take away the pain

With a quick kiss

And another day.

Love is a beautiful thing,

You said,

But you never

Believed.

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better than her

how the hell am i better

than her?

she sparkles in the sun–

she shines even when it’s gray.

and i’m just a speck of dirt on the ground.

how dare you tell me that you won’t leave for her

when she’s all you ever wanted?

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Time With You

Darling, I will remember

Every moment we spend together.

The memories are kept in my mind.

I don’t keep track of time.

The clock keeps running too

Because time with you

Is always well-spent

No matter the event.

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On the Horizon

“Life is worth living” they would say

There’s more to it than pain;

Honestly, who could believe it?

I was convinced I was insane.

Depression hits you like a storm, I think.

Raging, yet quiet

But soon the storm subsides

And so does your mind.

So please listen when I say: It will get better

Storms aren’t forever

There’s hope on the horizon.

We can get through this

Together.

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Little Love

image

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London

image

There’s a lucid beauty in this town,
A town of a cool, calm life
Fast-paced yet beautiful
Ever-changing weather,
Just like a kiss
But, oh, London,
London wishes for love, a love like this:
London begs for recognition,
Union Jacks waving brightly
In the gray skies.
London begs for forgiveness
But most of all, London
Wants to be remembered.

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Paris, 1am

I wish for serotonin to run through my brain–I lack it now but
Before the end of us, it did run
Like wildfire when you went astray
Into the depths of my wildest dreams
By kissing me.

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Worthless

Author’s Note: I wrote this when I felt extremely low and like no one really understood my pain. I got to thinking, and they do. In fact, depression isn’t noticed in the workplace and is often seen as weakness. I wanted to fight that. It’s not weakness. It is an illness.

I am getting better, day by day. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Don’t hesitate to call if you feel suicidal.

Sending love,

Heather

——-

Weary-eyed, he trudges

Through the crowded streets

Of shouting scammers, venders–

Panicked passerby.

“Worthless. I am worthless.”

He glances at his feet;

Shined–freshly shined shoes

Yet an unreal break from reality.

What is he

In this busy crowd?

“Worthless. I am worthless.”

The train ride isn’t too bad–

He finds a crumpled newspaper 

And scand the headlines.

That boy is dead.

That building has been destroyed

In this awful world of hate,

In this awful world of pain.

“Worthless. I an worthless.”

He opens the door slowly,

Confidently

Maybe–

He rubs his tired eyes once more:

“Let’s start the day.”

“Worthless. I am worthless.”

Stacks of unfinished work

Smile at him menacingly.

Yet he wishes to escape

This wasted life.

“Worthless. I am worthless.”

This may be final, he thinks…

“It’ll be a few minutes,” he sheepishly says.

He knows of the risks, but–

What else can happen

To make life less miserable?

Then again the scratched bathroom 

Walls

Appear like a twisted dream

In front of his sweaty face.

He’ll do this tonight, he swears.

Tonight it will end.

And he returns to the train,

Legs aching with fatigue.

Freedom runs through his veins

As he waits.

Perhaps that’s absurd.

“Maybe I don’t need to die.”

But his mind shouts,

“Worthless. You are worthless.”

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