nothing is more painful than
the scars breaking,
those scars, the memories
previously stitched by hope
right before my eyes.
the collapse of your face,
the surrender of the will to live
through drops of tears
only time can replace.
i wish i could start your mind anew
so you’d never have to feel it again
but until then
i’ll hold you until the pain dissipates
Why did I wait for you
If I knew you’d never come?
Why do these words hurt
For me to speak
From my tongue?
–
All I remember is your voice,
So soothing, so warm
Like how I felt in your embrace;
You drowned out the noise.
–
Come back so I can love you
Come back so I won’t miss you
Maybe the clouds dispersed
At the sound of your name–
Just enough to ignite your true passions,
Perhaps not for me…
But I still wait
For you.
Love is a beautiful thing
If you’re the one in love
If you’re the one watching sparkling eyes glint
On a river,
Or time
Roll by.
Love is a beautiful thing
If you take away the pain
With a quick kiss
And another day.
Love is a beautiful thing,
You said,
But you never
Believed.
how the hell am i better
than her?
she sparkles in the sun–
she shines even when it’s gray.
and i’m just a speck of dirt on the ground.
how dare you tell me that you won’t leave for her
when she’s all you ever wanted?
Darling, I will remember
Every moment we spend together.
The memories are kept in my mind.
I don’t keep track of time.
–
The clock keeps running too
Because time with you
Is always well-spent
No matter the event.
“Life is worth living” they would say
There’s more to it than pain;
Honestly, who could believe it?
I was convinced I was insane.
Depression hits you like a storm, I think.
Raging, yet quiet
But soon the storm subsides
And so does your mind.
So please listen when I say: It will get better
Storms aren’t forever
There’s hope on the horizon.
We can get through this
Together.
There’s a lucid beauty in this town,
A town of a cool, calm life
Fast-paced yet beautiful
Ever-changing weather,
Just like a kiss
But, oh, London,
London wishes for love, a love like this:
London begs for recognition,
Union Jacks waving brightly
In the gray skies.
London begs for forgiveness
But most of all, London
Wants to be remembered.
I wish for serotonin to run through my brain–I lack it now but
Before the end of us, it did run
Like wildfire when you went astray
Into the depths of my wildest dreams
By kissing me.
Author’s Note: I wrote this when I felt extremely low and like no one really understood my pain. I got to thinking, and they do. In fact, depression isn’t noticed in the workplace and is often seen as weakness. I wanted to fight that. It’s not weakness. It is an illness.
I am getting better, day by day. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Don’t hesitate to call if you feel suicidal.
Sending love,
Heather
——-
Weary-eyed, he trudges
Through the crowded streets
Of shouting scammers, venders–
Panicked passerby.
–
“Worthless. I am worthless.”
–
He glances at his feet;
Shined–freshly shined shoes
Yet an unreal break from reality.
What is he
In this busy crowd?
–
“Worthless. I am worthless.”
–
The train ride isn’t too bad–
He finds a crumpled newspaper
And scand the headlines.
That boy is dead.
That building has been destroyed
In this awful world of hate,
In this awful world of pain.
–
“Worthless. I an worthless.”
–
He opens the door slowly,
Confidently
Maybe–
He rubs his tired eyes once more:
“Let’s start the day.”
–
“Worthless. I am worthless.”
–
Stacks of unfinished work
Smile at him menacingly.
Yet he wishes to escape
This wasted life.
–
“Worthless. I am worthless.”
This may be final, he thinks…
–
“It’ll be a few minutes,” he sheepishly says.
He knows of the risks, but–
What else can happen
To make life less miserable?
–
Then again the scratched bathroom
Walls
Appear like a twisted dream
In front of his sweaty face.
He’ll do this tonight, he swears.
Tonight it will end.
–
And he returns to the train,
Legs aching with fatigue.
Freedom runs through his veins
As he waits.
–
Perhaps that’s absurd.
“Maybe I don’t need to die.”
–
But his mind shouts,
“Worthless. You are worthless.”
Writing From My Window 